the love of my life

i don't know why. but once in a while i google the love of my life. today i discoverd a new link when i googled his name. he has profiles on amazon.com. so i clicked on it. i couldn't read the words he wrote. pretty silly, don't you think?

it's not that i am still in love with him. he's just the only person i had a real relationship with, the only person i loved romantically, and the only person i let into my life without reservations.

i imagine that he's happily married with children. he moved on from our break-up with lightening speed. me, it took years to get over him. honestly i missed his friendship more than i did for the romantic relationship.

the thing that gets me is that he pops up in my dreams every now and then. we can't control our dreams, right? at least i can't control my dreams.

anyway, last night he was in my dream again. this time it was different. i told him that i was happy that we weren't together, happy that we weren't married to each other and happy that i was over him. talk about empowerment! so why did i google his name just now???

personal vs professional blog

for me the line between personal and professional blog is really difficult to draw. in anycase i decided to keep this blog as a personal. at the moment i am not even sure what that means. :) anyway i'm inspired by kongtemplation to keep a professional blog so i'll try my best to keep this one personal and the other one professional.

as for being a professional - i'm a perpetual student, theologian, a philosopher, and an artist. and my personal interests overlap with my professional interests which is the most exciting part of being a theologian, philosopher and an artist. the kinds of questions i pursue in theology and philosophy are questions i have personally and the kind of art work i do is really about who i am.

i guess on this site, i might be more likely to let my stream of consciousness just flow. and on the "professional" blog, i'll try to stick to a topic, event, or issue. yeah. that's what i'll do. hehe

do you ever write reviews of books, restaurants, etc.? i love writing reviews. if you google "bleuemoon" you can find some of my reviews on line, which, if i were more organized, might be posted on one of my blog sites. but since i'm not that organized, they will just have to remain separated from my blogs. :)

boy, it's really feast or famine, isn't it? once i start blogging, i can't stop posting. but then when i haven't posted in a while i don't even know where to start.

here i am

i'm visiting my familly in korea. the plane ride wasn't nearly as bad as i thought it might be. i even studied for a bit on the plane. the visit so far is not as bad as i had feared. so all in all, things are good.

i'm trying to type without using my left index finger and it's reallly hard! i had to get what i think was a wart from my finger. the nurse said it wasn't contagious. anyway i couldn't feel anything on the tip of my finger and i didn't like that so i had whatever it was removed today. the reason i don't know exactly what it was is because the doctor told me in korean what it was in korean. anyway, have you ever had an injection of any kind on your finger? it hurts!!! it hurts a lot a lot!

there is a new president in korea and my parents and the rest of the country (it seems) are excited about it. the stock market is doing well if that's an indication of anything.

i'm done with christmas shopping. our family had an early exchange of gifts.

i miss my niece!!!

drama drama

praise god! my professor gave me an extension for the seminar paper!!! i am so relieved. the due date is a month from now! i think i can do it. all week long, i have been agonizing over requesting for the incomplete. last night i sent an e-mail to my prof and he wrote me back right away to say that i can get an incomplete. how cool and awesome is that???

my niece was dropped off at school by her dad this morning. all the other kids walked in with a gift in hand. my niece walked into the class room empty handed. i hope she didn't feel bad about it. maybe she didn't notice? i hope not.

tomorrow i am going to korea. i don't know if i'm ready to go home just yet. oh well. what can you do? gotta go since i got reservations and all for the trip to korea.

it's tricky business keeping up with friends. sometimes you have a falling out with friends and that's okay. and those you are friends with, it's difficult to know how to be there for them, especially when i'm out of town or when i'm not feeling so good myself. i wish things were easier.

graphic designer?

i was talking my family last night and one of the ideas we generated was that i could be a graphic artist. i have an interest in art (painting, photography, drawing). and if i could channel my artistic creativity to work, i might enjoy what i do. so should i do it??? i don't know the first thing about graphic design. well, that's not absolutely true since i was a co-editor of my yearbook in high school. my junior year i was the managing editor and then my senior year i was the co-editor of the year book. if i think about it, that was pretty amazing since i didn't know a thing about publishing when i joined the yearbook, but the editor in chief liked me so she let me be a managing editor. then i just learned my way to being a co-editor the next year. it was a really cool experience. i was the creative mind and my co-editor was the one with deadlines in view, etc. she would tell us (me included? i can't remember) that the deadline was a week before the actual deadline.

anyway i think i'm probably more suited to be a consultant of some sort. in my mind, i'm preparing myself to leave the academia, i think. i love problem solving so i think it would be really fun to be a consultant of some kind. i don't think i'll mind the hours too much since i don't really have a life anyway. :)

right vs left brained

You Are 50% Left Brained, 50% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

it's interesting that i'm 50-50 right brained and left brained. i guess i could have guessed it. i majored in philosphy and minored in math. so i am accustomed to using both my right and left brain i guess.

blogging

i wonder if i blog more when i don't really talk to people? hmmm. all this week, well, since wednesday three and i have been visiting two. and since i got here, i haven't really had anything to write home about. for instance, last night, we talked until about 2 or 3 am about everything under the sun. it didn't hurt that we had some beer in us along with peanuts and dried squid (typical snacks with alcohol for koreans).

as we were talking i nearly had a melt down when i expressed that i didn't have a choice in whether i continue on with my studies in theology. it's out of my hands. my depression has gotten worse over the years and not better. and it's getting really difficult to write papers. so it might be wise to fold my cards while i still can.

what will i do? maybe i could live on disability and social security checks? i don't think i could hold down a job, not the kind that requires me to be there regularly anyway. i'd have to freelance in some capacity. but what?

chicago

should we move to chicago? (not right now of course) real estate is great here. much better than new england market. maybe i need a change. things, as they have been, aren't working out for me back on the east coast so much anyway. so right now i am in chicago at my sister's place. okay, we're in the suburb of chicago. but it's close enough isn't it?

i haven't been feeling well this entire year and i will be so happy when this year ends. but there are no guarrantees that next year is going to be better. what a depressing thought.