the love of my life

i don't know why. but once in a while i google the love of my life. today i discoverd a new link when i googled his name. he has profiles on amazon.com. so i clicked on it. i couldn't read the words he wrote. pretty silly, don't you think?

it's not that i am still in love with him. he's just the only person i had a real relationship with, the only person i loved romantically, and the only person i let into my life without reservations.

i imagine that he's happily married with children. he moved on from our break-up with lightening speed. me, it took years to get over him. honestly i missed his friendship more than i did for the romantic relationship.

the thing that gets me is that he pops up in my dreams every now and then. we can't control our dreams, right? at least i can't control my dreams.

anyway, last night he was in my dream again. this time it was different. i told him that i was happy that we weren't together, happy that we weren't married to each other and happy that i was over him. talk about empowerment! so why did i google his name just now???