there are no two ways about it. when life sucks, it really sucks. nothing is enjoyable, as if you can't taste a thing you eat. you look forward to nothing. nothing, not a thing brings happiness, joy or even a drop of hope. so what is there to live for? must you live for others? live in order to spare them of the grief they would experience in your absence? but surely you cannot live for others. the reason for living must come from within. it's just that i'm searching and searching and coming up empty. so life is unbearable, as if your eyelids are being held open by force and all you want to do is to close your eyes! it's just like that. all you want, all i want is a break, a break from boredom, pain and meaningless existence. two says i just have to pick a purpose and live. but i can't just PICK a purpose in life. it, the purpose i mean any purpose, doesn't have meaning for me. if all fails, live for God my christian friends would tell me. but you know what? nothing. i'm coming up short here too. in my wildest imagination, i can't imagine a thing i have to do, must do, that others can't do. so what do i do? well, there is nothing i can do, right? i just got to sit and wait, or i can try on stuff, see if i enjoy it. oh well.
three is watching friends and pheobe is having a baby in this show. it's great. never mind having a purpose in life. i'm going to watch friends. :)
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